I hereby give notice that I shan't be celebrating the Diamond Jubilee*. The Windsors - or should I say the Saxe-Coburg and Gothas - are German.
Bloody immigrants: come over here, steal our monarchy, live a life of luxury at the taxpayers' expense... Frankly I can't understand why the Daily Mail isn't all over them. Elizabeth is literally a foreign welfare queen.
(*I may eat some festive biscuits as a concession to multiculturalism.)